The parenting learning curve

Since Avery was born, we've pretty much had an audio monitor going in our house at all times. Annoying, yes. It creates so much static and just drives me crazy. When the girls are old enough, rest assured I WILL take that damn thing out into the street and call all the neighbors to come watch me smash it to smithereens with a giant rubber mallet.

In the meantime, I've been working to find a silver lining, and the only thing I'd found thus far was the endless hours full of fun communicating with my spouse while I'm in the room with the baby and he is in the room listening to the monitor. Come on, don't try to pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.

My husband gets in on the action too, but he isn't real creative. He usually starts with a heavy breathing noise, and follows that by breaking into a cough, then choking, then gasping for air... you get the picture.

I'll sometimes use my opportunities to be passive agressive and say things like "Yes, I'll change your diaper, AGAIN, Avery," or even "Okay Ainsley, mommy will rock you back to sleep for the 43rd time," because I know my loving husband is listening in the other room and surely THIS time he'll get up and run to where we are and take a turn too.

Unfortunately for me, this method of marital communication doesn't get the desired results very often.

When I'm not busy displaying my resentment and an unassertive way, I try to keep things interesting by throwing in an "I see dead people" here and an "If you build it, he will come" there. I've even done the Darth Vader pant followed by a whispered "Luke, I am your father" from time to time.

When trying to coax my husband to get his ass to bed at a decent hour -- lest I be forced to listen to the freaking alarm for 35 minutes as he repetitively pushes the snooze button each morning -- I've tried a twist on the "Field of Dreams" theme and tossed in an "If I undress, he will come" or an "If I brush and floss, he will come to bed and kiss me." So far, it's not working. I guess maybe those tactics are a little passive-aggressive too.

So here's where the learning curve comes into play.

Today Avery and I tried something new -- something that I will surely pay for. I though I'd found the REAL silver lining to having a shitty, static-y baby monitor. We set up a stage and music and did karaoke with the stupid system. Now I'll either have to concede that the monitor is no longer a monitor but a permanent microphone/speaker set or I'll have to own up to my mistakes and buy a real microphone/speaker set. Either way, I figure I'm probably out 50 bucks. All day she's been saying "I want to do more ka-aokie" and doesn't let up until I give in.

Now I'm wishing I would have just smashed the damn thing to smithereens already! Me and my bright ideas.